GOOD GRIEVE???????????

GOOD GRIEVE..... (sorry alot of words not alot of pictures.)

Is there a good grieve? I mean like is there a good way to grieve to loss of a loved one? I am not sure if there is a right or a wrong way to grieve. Some days it s really hard, like you can barely function, other days you get up and laugh and learn and try to be better because someone is in heaven and hopefully watching over you. It’s also hard because when that someone you love dies when is a good time to stop having those breakdown sobbing till you almost through up moments, 1 year 10 days never? I don’t know, I guess what I need to learn is when we have those moments how to put it in perspective and use it for the better of me and the person I am grieving.

About 14 months ago my niece died of cancer, at the very young age of 10. A very mean aggressive type of chordoma tumor cancer. All cancer is mean and aggressive but this kind is really mean and very rare.

My niece, being 8 months younger than Kelty, where good friends. It has been hard on Kelty to have Anna gone. It has been hard on all of us but especially Kelty. The child has a right to grieve for her cousin. The problem that poor

Kelty is facing is that she has to very different parents in the way that we grieve. Gene cries for the allotted 2-3 days from when we are told someone has died to the funeral then he is done. I mean done to almost to the point it’s not healthy. Like don’t talk about them anymore they are a has been in our life so to speak. Don’t get me wrong he believes in the plan of salvation and knows he will be with them again but for the time being they are gone. Let’s move on. Then there is me. I cry for weeks, day’s months at anything the drop of a hat and I cry. I go to the cemetery, a lot. I take flowers for birthdays and death days. I talk about the person like they are just gone on trip. Then I cry some more.

So for Kelty this is kind of a problem. She doesn’t know what the best way to grieve is. Cry every day and be sad or just not mention it like the big pink elephant in the room? So for a 12 year old this can be really confusing. Getting two very different ways to grieve.

To me I don’t think Kelty has totally grieved over the loss of Anna. Sure she cried but I am just not sure she has totally grieved?

So the other day when Kelty came home from school so upset I asked what was wrong. After literally weeping and wailing on my floor for about 15 min’s. She finally got out that she just misses Anna so much and it completely sucks that she had to die. Good Grieve? I would think so we talked about Anna and the positive that she did for us while she was here. Then Kelty made the statement “I wish cancer would get cancer and die.” Pretty true and profound statement if you ask me. So Kelty and I talked and talked and talked about what Anna loved to do. One of those things was going to build a bear. So the date was set. Tomorrow night we were having a date just me and Kelty. She was going to build a bear just for her so when she was sad, lonely, missing Anna. She could hold the bear and hopefully gain a little peace from it.

Well in talking with my sister she said don’t make it all about being sad though. We need to have positive moments that come from grieving. Why don’t you have Kelty take her own money and make a bear and donate it to the hospital for someone else? Great Idea I talked to Kelty she liked the idea. So it was set we were going to get her a bear and then get one for someone else who needed a little help. Good grieve?

Through a friend of a friend of a friend, I just so know someone who happens to have cancer who’s 7 or 8, I think. So I asked if it would be ok if we made this bear for him and gave it to him. They said yes that is awesome.

We get to build a bear Kelty looks at all the animals and decided on her bear it s name is huggable bear. Pretty good for what we need! Then she looks and finds one for the other child. We move on to the noise station. Where you can put sounds in the bears if you want. We look, listen, play, listen some more to all the sounds available. Then off to the side is a heart that beats like a real heart. Kelty sees this and immediately knows this is what she wants to put in both these bears. “Anna needs a heartbeat and soon this boy will need one to.” Again my child is always amazing me and what she says. Moving on to the stuffing of the bears she stuffs hugs gets the other little heart that you get to put in the bears says a little wish on it and finishes up stuffing the bears.

She baths them, dresses them, and finds the perfect shoes to go with the clothes she has chosen. She laughed she cried a little bit but all in all I think she had a good time.

One good thing that came out of this is. When we were driving home from the mall and talking. I told her about when all 3 of my babies were born. They came out and would do this little round O thing with their mouth. Every time they would do this I would think of my Grandpa Warren because he was always trying to get us to whistle. So to me it was like a little part of him when I would see kids do this. Kind of like he was saying I was keeping them safe until it was there turn to come to earth. Just a little reminder of him, something that only I would think of. I told Kelty this and said who knows maybe Anna is up there teaching your kids to stand on their heads and kick their legs out like she did.

So this is my question what is a good way to grieve? Hopefully this is a good way to grieve. She knows that every time she has a break down about Anna does not mean we are running out to buy her a build a bear. But I think she knows that there is always a hug waiting from mom, a listening ear or just someone to cry to.

If you can read this, this is the note Kelty wrote and put in the box with the bear. Such a good day for us.

So again GOOD GRIEVE?